SHAADI (MARRIAGE)

SHAADI (MARRIAGE)

Shaadi ki bunyaad do cheezein hain:

1. Nasl e Insaani Ki Baqaa (Surah Al-Nisa'a : 1)
2. Lutf o Sukoon
   
   

Irshad e Baari ta'ala hai " Usney tumhare liye tumhari jins sey biwia'n banaiin taa kay tum unn kay paas sukoon hasil karo aur tumharey darmiyan mohabbat aur ulfat paeda kardi." (Surah Rome: 21)

Shaadi sey na sirf insaan ko sukoon naseeb hota hai bul kay mukhtalif tehqeeqaat sey ma'aloom hua hai kay shaadi shuda afraad ghaer shaadi shuda logon ki nisbat 50 % kam beemariyon ka shikar hotey hain.

Shaadi ki do bari aqsaam hain

1. Mohabbat Ki Shaadi (Love Marriage)
2. Khandaan Ki Taraf Se Taey Ki Gaee Shadi (Arranged Marriage)

1. Mohabbat Ki Shaadi (Love Marriage):

  Europe aur America mein taqreeban har shaadi mohabbat ki shaadi hoti hai jo kay aksar auqaat nakaam hoti hain America mein talaq ki sharah 50% se 75% tak hai. Iss tarah ki talaq ki do bari wajoohaat hain.  Shaadi sey pehley donon afraad apni shakhsiyat ka behetreen pehlu samney latey hain le'haza donon ek doosrey ki khoobiyon sey aagah hotey hain magar shaadi kay baad mehboob kay liye mushkil ho jata hai kay woh apni shakhsiyat ka sirf roshan pehlu hi samney laey iss liye kuch arsey ba'ad mehboob ki shakhsiyat kay taareek pehlu bhi samney aaney lagtey hain kyun kay mehboob ek insaan hai le'haza woh bhi aam insaanon ki tarah khoobiyon aur khamiyon ka majmoo'aa hota hai waisey bhi aankhon sey ishq ki patti utarney kay ba'ad mehboob ki ma'amooli khaamiya'n bhi numaya ho kar nazar aaney lagti hain iss tarah shaadi kay kuch arsey ba'ad mohabbat ka yeh taj mahal dharraam sey zamee'n bos ho jata hai.

2. Khandaan Ki Taraf Se Taey Ki Gaee Shadi (Arranged Marriage):

 Doosri taraf khandaan ki taraf sey taey shuda shaadyion ki nakaami ki sharah bohut hi kam hai humarey apney bohut barey khandaan mein talaq ki sharah 3% sey zyada nahin magar iss tarah ki shaadiyon mein ek qabahat hai kay inn mein amooman larkey larkii ki pasand aur na pasand ka khayal nahin rakha jata hai .(mohabbat aur pasand mein farq hai) jab kay Quran majeed mein irshaad hai kay "Nikah karo jo tumhey pasand aaein, aurton sey do, do aur teen teen aur char char aur agar yeh khauf ho kay insaaf na kar sako gey to ek sey" (Surah Al.Nisa : 3)
 Islam mein shaadi kay liey larki ki razamandi zaroori hai taa'hum iss kay sath wali ki ijazat bhi zaroori hai. Allah kay nabi kareem ka bhi irshaad hai, "Aurton ko unn ki pasand kay shohro'n se nikah karao" (Hakim) Huzoor ney nikah sey pehley aurat ko dekh leney ka hukum diya hai ya kam az kam mashwara diya hai. (Ibn-e-maja, abu daud, tirmazi, muslim, masnad-e-ahmed) Chuna'ncha irshad hai jab tum mein sey koi shakhs kisi aurat ko nikah ka paeghaam dey to usey dekh lena chahiyie kay aaya us mein koi aisi cheez hai jo us ko us aurat sey nikah ki raghbat dilaney wali ho. (abu daud)

  Quran o sunnah donon sey ma'aloom hota hai kay shaadi pasand ki ho, larka larki ko achi tarah dekh ley iss tarah woh larki bhi larkey ko dekh ley gi magar donon ko alaehda milney ki ijazat nahin. (mishkaa't)
Hazrat Muhammad kay iss hukum ya sifarish kay larka, larki ko dekh leney ki hikmat ab jadeed nafsiyat kay ilm ki roshni mein waa'zeh tor per samajh mein aati hai . Tamam mahireen iss baat per muttafiq hain kay mard aurat ko us kay husn, zahiri shakl o surat aur jismani saakht ki wajah sey pasand karta hai taa'hum har fard ka husn ka mayar mukhtalif hota hai. Jab kay aurat zahiri husn aur shakl o surat ko zyada ahmiyat nahin deti bul kay aurton kay liye mard ka paesha aur mua'asharti maqam (status) shaadi mein markazi kirdaar ada karta hai. Le'haza agar larka larki ko dekhna chahey to iss per nabi ka hukum samajh kar amal kiya jaey aur larkey ko larki dekhney ka moqa'a diya jaey, humarey haan ajeeb munafiqat hai, larkiyaan sara din bazaron mein bey parda phirti hain aur unko har koi dekhta hai magar jab mangetar larki ko dekhney ki khwahish ka izhar karey to amooman isey ghaer akhlaqi harkat qarar dey kar inkaar kar diya jata hai. Iss kay elawa sharee'at nikah kay muamley mein kifayat (humsari aur barabri) ko malhuz e khatir rakhna pasand karti hai yani nikah apney baraber aur hum palla logon mein ho donon khandaani, nasli, qaumi, maali aaur mua'asharti lehaz se baraber hun. Donon ek qabeeley se hun ya mukhtalif qabeelon se magar phir bhi hum palla hun. Jadeed nafsiyat bhi ab iss usool ki ahmiyat ko tasleem karti hai yani hum amooman unn logon ko pasand kartey hain jo humari tarah hun khusoosun nasal, qaum, mua'ashi aur mua'asharti maqam kay lehaz sey zahir hai shaadi pasand kay logon kay sath hi ki jati hai.

Khandaani nazm-O-zabt:

khandani nazm-o-zabt ko barqaraar rakhney kay liye mia'n biwi mein sey ek ka sarbaraah hona zaroori hai agar donon bilkul masawi darja aur ikhtiyaraat rakhtey hun to khandaan badnazmii ka shikar ho jaey ga, chuna'ncha irshad-e-Rabbani hai: "Mard aurton per qawam (hakim) hain iss bina per kay Allah ney ek ko doosrey per fazeelat dii hai aur iss bina per kay woh apney amwaal kharch kartey hain pus jo naek aurtein hain woh shohro'n ki ita'at karney wali aur unki ghaer mojoodgi mein ba toufeeq-e-Ilahi unn kay huqooq ki hifazat karney wali hoti hain" (Surah Al.Nisa : 34) yani Allah ney mard ko aurton per qawam qarar diya hai. Qawam se muraad hai Provider Sustainer muhafiz, sarbarahkaar, sarbaraahi kay liye mard hi munasib hai., jo jismani lehaz se aurat se tawana hai, jo masa'il ko hul karney ki fitri salahiyat rakhta hai. Iss kay dimagh ka wazan ausatan aurat se 5 ounce zyada hai yani amooman mard jismani aur zehni lehaz se nisbatan afzal hai. Isi liye khandaan ki sarbaraahi isey sounpi gaii hai kay woh khandaan ko tahaffuz dey aur uski tamam zarooriyat ko poora karey aur khandaan ki kifalat karey lehaza ghar mein hukum bhi usi ka chaley ga.
Iss paragraph ko parh kar ba'az taraqqi pasand khawateen kahein gi kay ghar per khawand ka hokum chalney ki baat mua'ashrey kay dhakosla hai, haala'n kay yeh aam usool hai kay jo kisi ki kifalat karey ga (ya tunkhwa'h dey ga) hukum bhi usi ka chaley ga, kya kabhi aisa hota hai kay kifalat karney wala apne mulazim ka hukum maaney. Maghrib mein chu'n kay aurat aur mard donon kamatey hain donon provider hain le'haza wahan donon baraber ho saktey hain. America kay ahl e ilm ab yeh baat tasleem kartey hain kay wahan ghar ki barbaadi ki bari wajah khawateen ka job karna hai kyun kay jo bhi biwi kamaey gi uska ravaiyya housewife se bilkul mukhtalif aur amooman jarehana hoga yeh unser bara fitri hai aap ki beti ya beta jab mua'ashi le'haz se aap per inhisaar karta hai to uska ravaiyya aur hota hai magar ju'nhi wo kamana shuru karta hai uska ravaiyya bilkul badal jata hai yeh ek nafsiyati haqeeqat hai. Islam mein chu'n kay kifalat ki zimmeydaari mard per hai le'haza ghar ka woh hi hukmaran hoga aur usi ka hukum chaley ga. Humarey haan ajeeb munafiqat hai kay islam ki jo cheez humari khwahishaat kay khilaf hoti hai, humein pasand nahin hoti hai hum usey moulviyon ka dhakosla keh kar radd kar detey hain. Hum mein itni akhlaqi jurrat nahin kay hum khul kar iska inkaar kar kay mutabadil pasandeeda mazhab ikhtyar kar lein hum musalmaan bhi kehelwana chahtey hain aur islam kay unn usoolon per jo humein pasand nahin amal bhi nahin karna chahtey yaqeen karein inn mein aksaryat unn logon ki hai jo farae'z kay bhi paband nahin.  Ek taraf mard sey farmaya gaya hai kay woh biwi ki kifalat karey aur uss sey acha sulook karey chuna'ncha irshad-e-nabvi hai " tum mein behetreen woh hai jo apni biwiyon kay liye behetreen saabit ho". Doosri taraf aurat se farmaya gaya kay woh khawand ki farma'n bardaari karey aur uski khushi ka khayal rakhey, chuna'ncha Hazrat Abu Omama kehtey hain kay nabi pak ne farmaya kay Khuda ka momin banda khuda sey taqwa kay ba'ad jo cheez sab sey behter apney liye intikhaab karta hai woh naek bakht aurat hai.

Pious Woman In Islam:

Aisi aurat jisko woh jo hukum dey to woh uss per foran amal karey uski taraf dekhey to woh uska dil khush kardey, usko qasam dey to woh qasam ko poora karey aur woh ghayab ho to woh apni asmat aur uss kay maal ki hifazat karey (ibn-e-maja) Hazrat Muhammad ney ek aur moqa per farmaya " Uss zaat ki qasam jis kay qabzey mein meri jaan hai, jo shakhs bhi apni biwi ko bister per bulaey aur woh inkaar karey to Aasmaan wala uss sey uss waqt tak naraz hota hai jab tak woh apney shohar ko razi na karey" (bukhari, muslim) Ek doosri hadees mein irshad hai "shohar jab apni biwi ko apney bister per bulaey aur woh aaney sey inkaar kar dey to farishtey subah tak uss per la'anat kartey rehtey hain." (bukhari) Ek aur jagah irshaad farmaya : "shohar jab apni biwi ko zaroorat kay liye bulaey to woh foran us kay liye hazir ho jaey, go woh tanoor per bethi ho(roti paka rahi ho)" (tirmazi). ALLAH kay nabi ne biwi ko khawand ki ijazat kay baghair nafli namaz aur nafli rozey rakhney sey mana farmaya hai. (bukhari) Hazrat Muhammad ney aurat ko dunya ki behetreen mata'a qarar diya hai, irshaad hai kay sari dunya mata'a hai aur dunya ki behetreen mata'a (Pious Woman) naek bakht aurat hai. (muslim) Pious woman (Naek bakht aurat) ko jannat ki basharat di gaee hai, Hazrat Muhammad ne farmaya kay jo aurat paanch waqt ki namaz parhti rahey, ramazan kay rozey rakhey, apni aabroo bachaey yani paak daaman rahey aur apney shohar ki ta'abedaari aur farma'n bardaari karti rahey to usey ikhtiyar hai kay jis darwazey sey chahey jannat mein chali jaey. Ek aur jagah huzoor ney irshaad farmaya kay jo aurat iss haalat mein mari kay shohar razi tha woh jannat mein daakhil ho gaee, (tirmazi) ta'ahum gunah kay kaam mein aurat khawand ka hukum na maney gi. Aurton ki aksaryat ko apney khawand ki wajah sey mua'ashrey mein buland maqam milta hai maslan doctor ki biwi, aalim ki biwi, ek crore pati ki biwi, ek adeeb ki hatta kay ek wazeer ki biwi waghaira ko mua'ashrey mein jo maqam hasil hota hai iss kay husool mein uska koi khaas kirdaar nahin hota, magar ba'az auqaat ma'amooli sey ikhtilaaf ki wajah sey aurat khawand ki na shukri kar guzarti hai yeh na shukri bohut bara gunah hai. Hazrat Muhammad ney farmaya : meiney aaj (dozakh) ki tarah koi darauni cheez nahin dekhi, meiney dekha iss mein aurtein bohut hain, logon ney arz kya ya rasool Allah iss ki kya wajah hai? Aap ney farmaya : yehi kufr, logon ney arz kya kya Allah sey kfur? Aap ney farmaya : nahin, khawand ka kufr (na shukri) ahsaan na man'na. Aurat ka yeh haal hai kay agar tu umar bhar uss kay sath ahsaan karta rahey phir koi baat tumhari taraf sey unn ki tabyat kay khilaf ho gaee to bol uthey gi kay meiney kabhi bhi tum sey koi behetri nahin dekhi (bukhari). Hazrat Sobaan kehtey hain kay Rasool Allah ney farmaya kay jo aurat bila wajah apney shohar sey talaq chahey, uss per jannat ki bu haram hai. (ibn-e-maja, ahmed, tirmazi, darmi). Hazrat Muhammad ney farmaya kay teen tarah kay aadmi aisey hain jin ki na namaz qabool hoti hai, na koi aur neki manzoor hoti hai, ek wo aurat jis ka shohar uss sey naraz ho, doosra woh jo nashey mein mast ho, teesra woh musalmaan bhai jo ek doosrey ko kisi dunyavi wajah sey chortey hain.(ibn-e-maja) Islam mein mard kay liye sab sey muhatram uski walida hai aur aurat kay liye uska khawand, donon ki narazgi sey bachna chahiyie.

SHAADI K LIYE SAHI UMER

SUITABLE AGE FOR MARRIAGE

Shaadi kay hawaley sey chund cheezon ko malhooz-e-khatir rakhna mufeed hoga aurat kay liye shaadi ki behetreen umar 20 ta 25 saal hai iss doran mein paeda honey wali aulaad sehat mand hoti hai, mard kay liye shaadi kay liye behtarin umar 25 ta 27 saal hai waise 30 saal tak bhi theek hai, behter yeh hai shaadi kay waqt aurat ki umar mard se 5 ta 10 saal choti ho kyun kay bachon ki paedaesh ki wajah sey aurat ka jism jald dhal jata hai jiski wajah sey aurat mein kashish kam ho jati hai, agar biwi ki umar kam hogi to uski jismani kashish zyada der tak barqaraar rahey gi. Waisey bhi aurat jismani aur zehni le'haz sey mard ki nisbat jald mature ho jati hai larki ki umar kisi bhi tarah larkey sey zyada nahin honi chahiyie. Mangni aur shaadi kay darmyan zyada lamba arsa nahin hona chahiyie, zyada sey zyada ek saal ka waqfa ho agar darmyani waqfa zyada lamba ho to donon khusoosan mard shadeed jhunjhalahat ka shikar ho jata hai. Shaadi ki date taey kartey waqt haez (menses) ka bhi zaroor dhayan rakha jaey aisa na ho kay shaadi kay ek aadh din baad maahwaari shuru ho jaey, iss sey khawand shadeed jismani tanau ka shikar hoga le'haza shaadi ki date maahwaari kay 8 din ba'ad ki rakhi jaey taa kay donon mian biwi mubashirat sey bharpoor lutf andoz ho sakein. Haez (menses) kay foran ba'ad aurat kay jinsi jazbaat amooman madh'dham par jatey hain inn dinon iski tabyat mein chirchira pan, afsurdagi aur bey chaeni paeda ho jati hai. Shaadi dhoom dhaam sey honi chahiyie taa kay har kisi kay ilm mein ho kay 'uski' shaadi ho gaee hai. Irshad-e-nabvi hai kay :"Nikah ka ailaan masjid mein karo aur iss per duf peeto (kay khoob ailaan ho)" (tirmazi)
 Islam mein khufya shaadi sey mana kya gaya hai, ba'az fuqha'a kay nazdeek khufya shaadi zina kay baraber hai. Hazrat Muhammad ka irshaad hai kay halal-o-haram mein hadd e faazil nikah ki shuhrat aur duf hai. (tirmazi) Shaadi kartey waqt iss cheez ka bhi dhayan rakha jaey kay donon mian biwi kay qad chotey na hun aisi surat mein usool e wirasat kay mutabiq aksar bachon kay qad chotey honge jis ki wajah sey yeh bachay ehsaas e kamtari ka shikar ho jaengey aur bachiyon ki shadiyon mein masa'il paeda hongay, yani donon mein sey ek ka qad laziman lamba hona chahiyie. Iss tarah donon mian biwi kay rung bhi zyada sa'nwley nahin honey chiahiyien iss surat mein bhi usool-e-wirasat kay tehet aksar bachon kay rung sa'nwley hongey aur yeh becharey ehsaas-e-kamtari mein mubtala ho jaeingey mazeed bar aa'n larkiyon ki shaadi mein diqqat paesh aaegi chuna'ncha behter yahi hai kay mian biwi mein sey ek ka rung zaroor gora hona chahiyie.

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